Mom, which title do you like?



Know your partner. Know who you married. Know what their capabilities are. This means any relationship! So, I’m not just talking about the guy or gal you’re married to, I’m talking about your father, your sister, your best friend, and your lover, anyone you have a relationship to!


As a therapist, I often hear patients complain about a disappointment they’ve had from a relationship. They are hurt, disappointed and angry. And they can’t get past it.  I say to them know who you married.  (They look at me like I’m crazy, when they’ve just described their mother, but this sentence should be presumed for any relation).


Michael Jordan was a fantastic basketball player. If he thinks I can play the same as him, he will be disappointed. I’m just not as talented as him as a player.  Likewise, if Mariah Carey thinks I can sing as high as she (I can hold a tune, mind you), I will disappoint her.


Conclusively, if we think everyone is as talented in the self-awareness department as we are, we will be disappointed.


Therefore, if Michael Jordan got upset at me for not being as capable as him, and he got angry and cried and banged his head against the wall, and quit because I didn’t get it, he wouldn’t be who he became. Agreed? Likewise, if Mariah did the same, she wouldn’t be where she is.


Michael Jordan chose to teach. He could see the limits of those around him. So he did two things:


  1. He led and taught, and millions of young men and women around the world learned from him and were inspired by him.


  1. And he chose like-minded people to learn from himself and get better at it.


And being self-aware, or spiritual, or however you coin it, is a talent. Some people are just not good at it. So, are you going to cry and bang your head against the wall? Or are you going to stand up, wipe your self off and teach?

And there are many talented self-awareness leaders. So whether it’s Oprah, Dr. Phil, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer or Pope Francis, they all know we may not be as good at them, as they are. And if Oprah gave us all the finger for not being as self-aware and spiritual as she, we couldn’t learn from her (and that would suck).


So, instead of feeling disappointed by your partner, or angry with your father, or annoyed by your sister, look at their self-awareness capabilities (or lack of it) and teach them.

Also, we can choose our friends, and if friends are can’t learn how to become more self- aware and their motives are ill- intended, do as the great talents do, like Jordan, and surround yourself with like-minded positive thinking people.
And finally, I always look at a persons intentions or motives. So, look at the motives of your partner (or whomever you feel did you wrong). And ask yourself, was this intentional? In other words, when they forgot to bring home the dinner and you feel disappointed, look at their motives to see if the intention was to hurt. If not, forgive them and tell them how you feel, instead of calling them a seething name. Teach them kindly.

And know, they might not be as capable as you.


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