I often get couples that have incompatible sex drives. He feels like a bear pawing at you. You pretend to sleep, you get headaches, you “don’t feel well,”. I get it. He’s never satisfied enough. You just did it Sunday and it’s Tuesday.
She is always tired, she doesn’t touch me, she makes me wait days before she will have sex with me. I think she is not attracted to me anymore.
I heard it all. And you are both right. And this is an issue. Because one feels the constant pressure and nag and the other feels horny and rejected.
It appears a compromise is the best answer, and furthermore, communication. Although, curling up with a good book sounds smack, you actually have to give a darn. Not every day, just more than once a month. Likewise, the hornier of the two needs to listen to partners needs, sexually. Find out what is gets his/her engine flowing (does she/he like toys, talking, light rubbing, porn…). And slowly work at pleasing that person first. Because they feel what they feel and begging isn’t the answer.
Jacqueline Donelli is a Psychotherapist in NYC