CREATIVES VS. LOGICS
So, I have this couple I see. The man says, “My wife is a warm as my refrigerator, she won’t snuggle with me and retracts when I touch her, she has intimacy issues.” The wife then says, “Good God, he is soooo needy. I can’t sleep with his legs on top of me. Why does he need to touché me all the time?!”
They are both right.
Let me introduce you to something I’ve coined, Creatives vs. Logics. (Just to get the record straight, you don’t need to be creative to be a Creative and you don’t need to be logical to be a Logic.
But this can answer a lot of the intimacy/neediness issues couples face. Let me explain.
A Creative is someone who feels emotion, they are often passionate, their mood can be determined by love (or no love) in their life. They can be depressed or high as a kite, depending on their love for their partner, or how the partner responds to them. They are often creative people (thus the name is fitting), such as singers, dancers, actors/actresses and painters. They are moved by love; they are moved by a breakup, devastated even. They are swooning when they are in love and torn when love fails. They are often dramatic. Like the Rolling Stones, they write love songs. They feel love songs and often play them when and think of their own pain in their lives. And they can commit suicide because of severe moods and sadness (extreme Creatives, which I will explain). They hurt and can hurt. They are moved by love and passion and pain. They often make good songwriters and actors because of this severe understanding of love and heartbreak and missing someone. In short, Creatives think with their heart and not with their brain.
On the other end of the stick we have The Logics. These cats are the ones who always paid attention in class. Often times the nerd, these cats hardly noticed what any one was doing, wearing, or how others were acting in class. They are less aware of how they look, dress or come across. They are less cool. And although, Creatives are often cooler, Logics often do better in school. It is less important to a Logic, what everyone is wearing and how they look. A Creative notices all of this. Creatives notice everything and that is why they are easily distracted in school and sometimes have a harder time paying attention. Logics can end a relationship based on the practical notion that, “we just aren’t’ right for each other”. A Creative will look at you like you are nuts and retort, “yes, who cares, we love each other.” And Logics suffer less pain because this. Logics think with their brain and not with their heart.
Creatives feel more pain, but Logics miss out on feeling more love.
But, hold your horses, I know some of you are thinking, “I did well in school, and I can still feel because I am always a mess when I have a break up”, or “I am very creative and I’ve never been that upset over a breakup”. Got it. Let me explain.
There is a scale of Creatives and a scale of Logics. So if you are a 10 Creative, you are an extreme Creative. If you are a 3 Creative, you are less extreme. Likewise, if you are a 10 Logic, you are an extreme Logic and so forth and so on.
So when I have a couple, and the man is telling me, “my wife won’t touch me or snuggle with me at night” or “she doesn’t answer my texts until much later in the day”, or “She seems dismissive, doesn’t hug me, feels unemotional,” he is (most likely) on the scale of a Creative. And then the wife says, “he’s so needy”, “I just need some time to unwind when I get home and he is already on top of me when I walk in the door”, or “he gets mad at me when I don’t respond to his texts right away”, or “I need my space”, she is most likely on the scale of a Logic.
Can you be both? Yes, but we tend to lean one way or the other.
So, you might gather, (and gather correctly), a severe Logic and a severe Creative may end up on my couch. Yes, they often do, and they try to work out their differences in couple’s therapy. But unless there is this understanding of who is it they married, this can be difficult.
So, a moderate Creative and a moderate Logic may have differences or they might not. However, a mild or moderate Creative and a mild or moderate Logic might have fewer difficulties and often make a great relationship.
(On a side note, two severe Creatives could be heavenly or could be a drama-fest, which can be deadly, and two severe Logics may be very happy sleeping in separate beds, or being in the room and each reading and eating separately without ever talking or even noticing they haven’t touched or talked).
Bottom line, Creatives think with their heart before their head, and Logics think with their head before their heart.
How do we fix it? The best option is to firs tudnerstand the needs of the other (and yes, these are needs) and then compromise.
It seems best to be a bit of both!